Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.
Compact Discs are very shiny, but using them to attract seagulls in order to bludgeon them to death with your shoe is neither good manners nor entirely legal.
The very thought of coming up with a horoscope for you made me laugh. You may be the most pathetic thing I've ever come across - but DON'T BE SAD! You are on the verge of a massive breakthrough.
Whenever you feel unhappy today, smile and go to the toilet. This action should soon turns things around for you.
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