AquariusBirth date: 20 January - 18 February
The following is your Aquarius horoscope for today, a funny zodiac reading especially for you.
Tight-rope walking is an excellent way to lose a few pounds...from your intestine. Hopefully the pains you're currently experiencing will disappear over the coming hours.
Personal warranties don't mean that you're ever going get your money back on that piece of crap you bought of the "man in the funny hat".
Whilst you may think that this horoscope is completely useless... I have to admit - I have a very guilty secret. You see, all horoscopes are completely useless. There - I said it. Now Mrs McGinty who taught me everything I knew will rue the day she said I couldn't make it as an astrologer! Curse you Mrs McGinty!
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