Your free, funny Aquarius horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Aquarius

Aquarius

Birth date: 20 January - 18 February

The following is your Aquarius horoscope for today, a funny zodiac reading especially for you.

Many of the truths you desparately cling to are beset by the fact that you read only comic books and talk to children. Dumb waiters are not Aghanistani asylum seekers - that's a very rascist thought.

Cats are your "animal of the day", which is a new one on us. We always thought cats were the evil creatures who sit on other people's doorsteps and hiss at you when you walk past. I mean, don't get us wrong, we like cats but there are some that just "ain't right" - you know, the ones that stare at you as though staring at fourth-rate scum on an armadillo's backside. Anyway, that's by-the-by because cats are absolutely the best thing that could happen to you today. Although with the day you're going to have, you'll need all the help you can get. Oh sorry, here I am rattling on about cats when you're in mortal danger! Sorry, run out of space now to tell you all the details - I'll let you kn...

Next time you walk past a 'Hogs Head' pub, go inside and order a drink. Great things will happen there. (This horoscope is not affiliate with any 'Hogs Head' drinking establishment.)

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