Your Funny Taurus Horoscope for Thursday, 5th Dec 2019

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Below is your horoscope for the date specified above. Some people think it's unlucky to look at old horoscopes from prior dates but we think it's important in order to be able to gauge the accuracy rates of horoscopes. So, if you want to check your old horoscopes, use our Archive Horoscopes section and enjoy yourself!
star sign: Taurus

Taurus

20 April - 20 May

"Thinking strategically" is a cop-out. You did what you did because you're a selfish competitive little person. Any time you feel restless this week, try to imagine what it would be like to take viagra and ritalin at the same time.

Wake up in a trash-can again? Don't let your drinking get you down, go and have a beer.

As the fella once said, ain't that a kick in the head. Not that you'll be kicked in the head, it's a metaphor. I mean, hell, for all I know you *are* going to get kicked in the head, so maybe just wear a helmet for the rest of the day.


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Given Time, by Paul London

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