Your funny Aries horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Aries

Aries

Birth date: 21 March - 19 April

Your Aries horoscope for today. We hope you enjoy this funny look at the day ahead - check us out on Twitter for daily updates on your funny daily horoscopes!

Damnation awaits you from every angle. Your only hope is to provide mankind with the cure for greed. This message was brought to you in association with Craaaazy Christians Inc.

Fire is a hazard you won't want to ignore this week, so watch out for those big conflagrations!

The re-animation of dead tissue may become an issue for you later this month.

If you don't wear glasses now, the chances are that you're going to need to after an upcoming sports accident.

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