AriesBirth date: 21 March - 19 April
Your Aries horoscope for today. We hope you enjoy this funny look at the day ahead - check us out on Twitter for daily updates on your funny daily horoscopes!
Paris Hilton will "pop round" today for a chat and a biscuit, either in spirit or in person. Incidentally, a small chihuahua will weedle itself into your garden and poop all over your favourite plants. At this point, it is recommended that you setup webcams all over your house so that you can publish all incidents to a website and earn billions of dollars.
This sad horoscope was brought to you in association with usedbandages.co.uk - for all your bloody used bandages.
When ending a letter today, remember to append 'xxx' to the end, especially if your letter is formal.
Reading through a dictionary is the least effective way to learn more about the world. Get out there!
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