ScorpioBirth date: 24 October - 21 November
Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.
Perhaps it's true that you're not the immense stud you once were. Speak slowly and you will be heard. People will think you're being a dick, but people will definitely understand you.
Always meet people you met on the internet in a dark place, preferably a graveyard or a disco.
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