ScorpioBirth date: 24 October - 21 November
Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.
Any time you feel restless this week, try to imagine what it would be like to take viagra and ritalin at the same time. Something will stir your memory today and it may take a few hours for you to resolve your sense of deja vu.
Mouldy coffee cups may not be breeding the penicillin you hope they are.
The very thought of coming up with a horoscope for you made me laugh. You may be the most pathetic thing I've ever come across - but DON'T BE SAD! You are on the verge of a massive breakthrough.
More from LaughsendTitanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?
Our most popular funny stories