Your free, funny Scorpio horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Scorpio

Scorpio

Birth date: 24 October - 21 November

Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.

Install that software, make it a priority! (Don't blame us if your computer starts dissolving) The darkness you experience when you close your eyes might be accompanied by a low demonic growl today.

Almost everything you feel about life is unwarranted. You should feel almost the opposite about life at the moment and embrace your worst fears.

Banking on anyone this week? Don't let them let you down like they did me. I'm still picking up the pieces of a tattered life.

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Snow shock! Met Office claims, "It's not easy predicting the weather".   Paige Van Zant following second round submission win over Rachael Ostovich at UFC Fight Night 143: Bring on Valentina Shevchenko  
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