ScorpioBirth date: 24 October - 21 November
Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.
You will be plagued by happy people, but don't be swayed by them, stay miserable. Compact Discs are very shiny, but using them to attract seagulls in order to bludgeon them to death with your shoe is neither good manners nor entirely legal.
The odds against surviving today without any of your limbs is low.
The smell of dead moles may begin to affect you today.
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