Your free, funny Scorpio horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Scorpio

Scorpio

Birth date: 24 October - 21 November

Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.

Your spoiled and selfish ways must change if you are to become a better person. You will be loved only for your incredibly large endowments. People say you make your own luck, but carrying around a sign that says "I'm needy and helpless" is probably not what they had in mind.

There may be trouble ahead...but while there's moonlight and music and love and romance, the blow caused by the venereal disease you are about to become infected with, will be somewhat softened.

The story of the tortoise and the hare will make you rethink things over the coming week. Like, how lazy was that hare, eh? Jeez, I mean, that bunny should've whupped that table ornament.

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