ScorpioBirth date: 24 October - 21 November
Your funny Scorpio horoscope for today has been checked for all sorts of problems, but we found none. Except that it isn't very funny for some reason. Our engineers are working on it.
You are a beautiful creature - don't let any other pretty bitch tell you otherwise. Normally today wouldn't cause you any difficulties, but today might just go against the norm.
Feeling locked up when you're in an open park is a sure sign that you're slightly claustrophobic. This horoscope was brought to you in association with the bloody obvious.
Most of the things you believe in could be hacked apart by a fairly terrible dream.
More from LaughsendFIFA warns Russia ahead of World Cup Cris Cyborg wants to fight winner of Nunes vs. Pennington in unification "super-bout"
Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?
Our most popular funny stories