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Apple invents time machine; uses it to set longer working hours at Foxconn

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Tech watchdog BiteMe have today announced that during investigations of working practices at Foxconn, Apple's prime manufacturing facility based in China, they may have stumbled upon a device that appears to be a crude time machine. Apple, the company who invented the telephone and music, have so far not commented on the findings, but the watchdog have concluded that the device was being used for nefarious reasons.

"There is little doubt that the device we saw was being used to manipulate time, and possibly space, in order to force their workers into longer hours of servitude. This undermines promises made by Apple to improve working conditions, pay, and time-management at Foxconn.

"Only Apple would invent something so fundamentally world-changing but then use it as a metaphorical whip against this already oppressed nation of workers."

BiteMe, who are said to have only major affiliations with mystery conglomerate umbrella company Googrosoft, say that the time machine may have been invented by accident, or Apple's big-wigs would have already patented the product. Bill Withers, spokesperson for Googrosoft said:

"It's interesting, isn't it? A time machine that hasn't been patented a hundred times over? We're not sure what BiteMe may have found, but we're currently skeptical."

Withers is not alone: other skeptics have already suggested that the time machine may instead simply be a malfunctioning clock. Even this possibility BiteMe have covered:

"The device does look a little like a standard wall clock... but when we looked closely we saw that someone had taken the battery out of the back, so there's no way it could be the time machine in question."

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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Given Time, by Paul London

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