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Heck Yeah, America: Immortality Achievement Unlocked
An earth-shattering breakthrough in the scientific community is changing the way Americans live. CapitalismTech, the California-based...
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From 86% of #monday #motivation tweets cause Twitter users to feel bad about themselves
"When you read how Einstein got up every morning and put his shoes on the right feet, because he labelled them L and R - that's really motivating...." - see story
C-list celebs move up to B-list as all good celebrities keep dying
World 6C-list celebrities have received a boost this month as the great and good of the entertainment world continue to drop like flies. Following the death of Prince, various members of the Kardashian family have received their letters this morning advising them of a boost in rankings.
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Vaccine to cure autism hailed by anti-vaccers
World 14A vaccine has been developed by Austrian Scientists that experts say could eradicate autism. The vaccine, labelled by the lab that developed it as STv.p1d, has particularly caught the attention of so-called "anti-vaccers", a group of obnoxiously loud radicals who believe, regardless...
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Nurses revolt on #International #Nurses #Day
World 0The world is in crisis today as all nurses have revolted, making this the worst #InternationalNursesDay ever. Male and female, young and old, have selected this as the perfect day to universally strike, demanding better pay and better recognition by their employers, doctors, and even patients....
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Someone whose name might be Steven Avery arrested for public pigeon fancying
US News 1A Wisconsin man has been arrested today on charges of public indecency with regards to "pigeon fancying". The accused, whose name has not been Avery disclosed to the media, is already serving a prison sentence, but this has not prevented local law enforcement from charging him...
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86% of #monday #motivation tweets cause Twitter users to feel bad about themselves
World 5Scientists and statisticians at Laughingstate University, Colorado, have today revealed findings of a three month study concerning the trending topic of #mondaymotivation stories appearing on Twitter. The 140 character long missives usually contain material promoting the user's...
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Photographer accidentally takes candid shot of Emilia Clarke and Emma Watson kissing, in no way whatsoever
World 0A photographer has today become the latest Cause Célèbre, after finding that he accidentally took a snap of celebrity couple Emilia Clarke and Emma Watson during a steamy "snog" session with his girlfriend. The photographer, Jake Macfarlane, discovered his lucky snap when he w...
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Kissing top cause of UK school nits outbreaks claim boffins
UK News 4Boffins at Laughingstate University yesterday released a report DAMNING UK schools for allowing pupils to share bodily fluids. The act, described by scientists as KISSING, was alleged to have been allowed in up to 97% of schools, and in those schools a WHOPPING 7% of children...
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You only live three times, says renowned James Bond enemy
World 0In the world of spies and spy related shenanigans, there is no better known arch-enemy than Rnst Blomee. For decades, British spy James Bond, also known as 007, has been at loggerheads with Blomee, and today Mr Bond's large, balding uber-opponent has released a statement contradicting the spy's claim that spies only live twice....
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