The world is in crisis today as all nurses have revolted, making this the worst #InternationalNursesDay ever. Male and female, young and old, have selected this as the perfect day to universally strike, demanding better pay and better recognition by their employers, doctors, and even patients.
"It's a bold move, we know," said head nurse at Laughingstate Hospital, NJ. "But we're frankly sick of being treated like so much scum. The terrible pay perhaps wouldn't be so bad if we weren't constantly made to feel like dunces and ne'er-do-wells. We all know of too many doctors who think their sh*t doesn't stink, but who fail to treat us like humans. Without us, there'd be no hospitals. We're the backbone and we're going to fight for it. Votes for women! ... I mean - Strike! Strike! Strike!"
Governments around the world are currently considering their options to respond to the crisis. So far most have taken the well-trodden route of reminding nurses that, compared to lizards or 17 year olds working on commission, their rate of pay is actually pretty good. The UK Secretary of State for Health, Jeremy Hunt (we're assured continually that his name is not rhyming slang) has stated this morning that:
"The NHS works because government works. Nurses are people who do their jobs. I admit that. But suggestions that they are deserving of praise and salary increases are plain ludicrous. We know we held back any form of pay raise during the many years of austerity. We know that realistically they should all be earning at least £1,000 a year more just based on interest rate and cost of living rises alone over the past decade. We know that the media has spent the last thirty years branding all NHS hospitals as awful, disease ridden places - and, frankly, we've done nothing to discourage that. But I still cannot understand why the nursing profession suddenly feels it's OK to hold the country to ransom. We've done nothing wrong. They're all criminals."
Nursing unions (spit! - Ed) are in general support of the nurses, so long as they get their membership fees on time.