Jewell Buchanan

The handsome profile of Jewell Buchanan
The bread-basket that is Jewell Buchanan

On 4th July, 2014, Jewell was first hired, while panhandling for scraps, by talent scout Jeffrey Lutz, who regularly shares his food with a tortoise. Jewell Buchanan was conceived witless in Wandsworth, to attractive parents Shannon and Justine Buchanan. Jewell - one of ten equally famous siblings - now finds herself at the top of her game, if the game is a cess-pool of hate. Although rumours abound about Jewell, the former winner of "fattest flower prize" has recently been interred inside dr malik's home for the clinically sane.

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Get your balls out of my court Next showing: on BeebTV, on 15th September 2023, 23:00

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