Birth date: 21 March - 19 April

Ariens are probably due for a bit of a come-back. During the 90s and the early part of the 00s, Aries was often the sign that everyone else blamed for their collective misfortunes. In particular, Saggitarians were encouraged to single out Ariens as the single reason they were an utter failure. Some astrologers even went so far as to incite cake-to-face related violence, as seen in this newspaper clipping. Kent Clark is currently on trial in the Phillipines for organising midget dog wrestling.

However, the revival is on its way and your being Arien is going to mean that you will command the respect and favours you deserve. In fact, you should probably begin by trying to make people address you as "Master" and signing off any emails with the words "Your Chief and Overlord, etc, etc". Aries is generally a happy-go-lucky type star sign who is not adverse to going off on wild tangents about wildebeast or blue flowers, nor from attempting heartfelt soliloquys whilst in a crowded lift. Aries is often creative and does like to meddle in other people's affairs - ranging from the re-organisation of the potted plants in a neighbours garden during the wee hours of the night, to the taking out of an advert in the local paper regarding your work colleagues (fictitious) home-brothel.

Although the majority of those born under Aries are good people, like any star-sign or McDonald's meal, there are also bad nuggets. If you yourself are a murderous psychopath you will know this to be true because, whilst you might not have been born an Arien, the voices in your head were.

It is said that the best way to make an Arien laugh is by jamming ones own hand into a jam jar and then appearing to struggle furiously in order to remove it. Others say that this is because Aries is the "silly sign" of the zodiac.

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You are important, at least as important as the discovery of the dock leaf when you were stung by a nettle as a child....

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