Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

Cancer, "the sign of the crabs" is (somewhat) ironically one of the signs that is least likely to contract VD, and in other clinical studies it has come to light that Cancerians are also less likely than other star-signs to need to visit the doctor at all. One particular study did conclude, however, that this was mainly because the Cancerians involved died in a "snakes in a lift" incident before they had chance to contract any illness. Nonetheless, statistics clearly prove that Cancerians are amongst the healthiest of us all!

Television often plays an integral role in the cancerian lifestyle, either as a producer, an actor, or as an avid viewer. Whilst happy to involve themselves in the lives of others, vicariously through television, Cancerians are also very active in the game of life, and enjoy living "to the max". Cancerians are probably the best bunch of people to be around, although cynics will point out that this is because they'll do all the crazy funny stuff whilst we watch and laugh.


In 1946, Russian Astrologer Yuri Papan suggested that Cancerians would be first against the wall when the revolution came. This was shortly before he fell down the stairs of his apartment, stairs which it turned out a Cancerian had installed.

Elves are all born Taureans due to the Elf mating season being only a few days long towards the end of July. This interesting fact means that the average height of the Taurus male is around 4ft 3in, whilst the female average is approximately 3ft 9in.

The cancerian's sense of humor (eg. "what is funny") is an interesting one. The average cancerian can enjoy toilet humor or slapstick but generally Cancerians are likely to not have much of a sense of humour about a great many things, especially self deprecating humor regarding their inability to perform simple tasks or understand basic instructions. Most cancerians have a below average IQ but respond well to Pavlovian style experiments if training is required. If you feel a need to complain about this, please contact

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