James Martine, a French Canadian chef currently residing in the United Kingdom, has today released a cookbook dedicated to the sauciest and most revolting recipes - the twist? They all involve using human meats. The real shock is that Martine, now known to have been a cannibal since he was around 12 years old, who had been simul-blogging (a term which our editor assures us she didn't make up) his recipes over the previous eighteen months, had not made his audience aware of the actual meat he employed in his recipes.
"It's revolting," said Maria Callam, mother of Jack (3), Elsa (5) and Biggles (12) - all cats. "I made a few of his dishes and they were yummers. I made spag bol with minced beef, but now I know that the pictures I was looking at at the time were ground-human, I'm revolted. Vive la revulsion."
The cookbook itself, banned in 47% of the world, is selling like meatcakes, with gawpers and wannabe witches apparently making up the bulk of his sales. Martine himself is confused and rather excited by the hullabaloo:
"Gosh. I didn't realise that I'd previously not told people I was cooking with human meat. Oh! I remember now! That's right - I used to give people an option of beef, chicken or pork, and then my french was mistranslated and it said: 'why not try it with your friends?' That old chestnut."
Chef Martine should be happy though that his book is currently sat at number 1 on one of 742 different bestseller lists, even if it's unlisted in the other 741. Other chefs who've previously attempted cooking with human meat include Gordon "Chef" Ramsay, and Chef Boyardee, but no allegations have been proven.