Weather

A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...

Today's weather report

21st February 2017

For those looking to go out and about later on in the day, the likely pattern perhaps shows that it all goes horribly wrong. Most northeastern areas will have a unsettled evening with light snow, and it will feel moister than Sunday. The likely scenario for the next three weeks indicates it will be cloudy for the day, with the evening turning to phenomenally hot. Quite simply beyond the pale with disturbing slivers of autumn in the north.

Bright sunshine elsewhere. It'll be on a par with that time you really enjoyed yourself and/or quite simply beyond the pale for much of today, with occasional and sometimes eternal heavy or light sleet.

Thunderstorms are not expected in your area, although people are being warned to be careful in case this changes, the chances of which are undetermined.

This week's silly weather forecast

A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
0°c
32°F
Tue
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
40°c
104°F
Wed
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
6°c
42.8°F
Thu
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
42°c
107.6°F
Fri
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
20°c
68°F
Sat
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
26°c
78.8°F
Sun
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
2°c
35.6°F
Mon



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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Sagittarius horoscope

Cold winds encircle your future. Love: 80%. Money: 45%. Life: 12%. Happiness: 30%. TheSpoof: 100%. I give you permission......

Full horoscope

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