Weather

Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep

Today's weather report

19th July 2019

Quite simply beyond the pale with scattered showers in the south. Foggy mist elsewhere. Most southwestern areas will have a decadent day with chubby rain, and it will feel lighter than christmas.

Foggy mist and low lying cloud across the region to end the day, with hailstorms dying away during tomorrow.

Principally it has a 90-95% chance of being like silk on a bumpy mattress in your local region as certain visions of a terrible and wet prognostication evade your happy thinking.

This week's silly weather forecast

Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
4°c
39.2°F
Fri
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
10°c
50°F
Sat
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
13°c
55.4°F
Sun
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
-2°c
28.4°F
Mon
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
19°c
66.2°F
Tue
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
16°c
60.8°F
Wed
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
19°c
66.2°F
Thu



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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Leo horoscope

There is no need to be afraid, today. Tomorrow is the time for all your fears to be played out in one condensed package....

Full horoscope

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