Weather

Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep

Today's weather report

15th November 2019

The likely scenario for today has a every chance of being hailstormy, with disturbing slivers of autumn during the latter part of the current season. Disturbing slivers of autumn and low lying cloud across the area to end the day, with the odd shower dying away during the rest of the week. Most southwestern areas will have a unbelievable day with low lying cloud, and it will feel fresher than Saturday.

Damp patches along with bright sunshine will arrive into the east during the next three weeks, edging into northern fringes by Saturday. When your cologne works 60% of the time, those odds are still better than us getting a weather future right.

I mean, have you ever actually sat down and thought "gee, that weather outlook we saw on laughsend, that was right, wasn't it? " the answer is never, because you've never been here before and won't ever come again.

This week's silly weather forecast

Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
33°c
91.4°F
Fri
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
-1°c
30.2°F
Sat
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
7°c
44.6°F
Sun
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
19°c
66.2°F
Mon
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
40°c
104°F
Tue
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
35°c
95°F
Wed
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
-3°c
26.6°F
Thu



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

Given Time, by Paul London

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