Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep

Today's weather report

28th March 2020

On a par with that time you really enjoyed yourself with bright spells in the north. Some sunny intervals elsewhere. The likely trend for today has a 25% chance of being quite simply beyond the pale, with bright sunshine during the latter part of the witching hours. Chubby rain will affect southwestern areas but there will also be chubby rain or bright sunshine, and any snowfall will ease.

Chubby rain along with scattered showers will arrive into the southwest during the next three weeks, edging into eastern fringes by tomorrow. Fog May appear at around noon today, and possibly inside as well as out.

If there are any plumbers in your area, we suggest that you put their numbers into speed dial.

This week's silly weather forecast

Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...

I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

Given Time, by Paul London

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