Weather

Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today

Today's weather report

20th May 2018

Temperatures can go up as well as down which can cause sudden outbreaks of skin rashes. For the rest of the nation, the future indicates people believe weather forecasters. The likely pattern for today indicates it has a 50% chance of being hailstormy, with isolated showers during the latter part of the witching hours.

Principally it has a good chance of being freaky in your local area as certain visions of a terrible and decadent forecast evade your happy thinking.

This week's silly weather forecast

Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
11°c
51.8°F
Sun
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
39°c
102.2°F
Mon
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
0°c
32°F
Tue
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
10°c
50°F
Wed
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
37°c
98.6°F
Thu
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
36°c
96.8°F
Fri
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
41°c
105.8°F
Sat



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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