A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...

Today's weather report

23rd March 2018

The likely trend for the weekend suggests it will be unbelievable for the evening, with the night staying the ironic. Damp patches along with sunny spells will arrive into the east during the next three weeks, edging into northwestern fringes by the weekend. The report for today suggests it has a every chance of being unbelievable, with bright sunshine during the second half of the week.

Temperatures are subject to alteration and amendment which will cause sudden outbreaks of alarm.

Principally it has a 90-95% chance of being unsettled in your local region as certain visions of a terrible and freaky forecast evade your happy thinking.

This week's silly weather forecast

A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep

I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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