Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds

Today's weather report

23rd February 2020

Disturbing slivers of autumn along with horrendous winds will arrive into the northwest during,or within, some period between now and the distant future, edging into eastern fringes by the next three weeks. Most western areas will have a phenomenally hot morning with damp patches, and it will feel fresher than Thursday. Some sunshine will affect northeastern areas but there will also be horrendous winds or isolated showers, and any temperatures will ease.

The likely trend for the rest of the week will be quite damp for the morning, with the evening staying wet. When your cologne works 60% of the time, those odds are still better than us getting a weather outlook right.

I mean, have you ever actually sat down and thought "gee, that weather outlook we saw on laughsend, that was right, wasn't it? " the answer is never, because you've never been here before and won't ever come again.

This week's silly weather forecast

Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds

I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

Given Time, by Paul London

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