Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds

Today's weather report

22nd March 2017

Wholly unsuitable in every way with foggy mist in the west. Light drizzle elsewhere. Temperatures will vary which can cause sudden outbreaks of alarm.

The report for today suggests it will be sleety, with chubby rain during the earlier half of the afternoon. Sunny spells along with horrendous winds will arrive into the south during the weekend, edging into northwestern fringes by Thursday.

Principally it has a an unknown chance of being windy in your local area as certain visions of a terrible and quite simply beyond the pale upcoming forecast evade your happy thinking.

This week's silly weather forecast

Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep

I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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