Weather

Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today

Today's weather report

13th November 2018

Foggy with isolated showers in the northeast. Isolated showers elsewhere. Light snow and hailstorms across the area to end the day, with disturbing slivers of autumn dying away during the weekend. Damp patches will affect northwestern areas but there will also be the odd shower or horrendous winds, and any precipitation will decrease.

The likely trend for St. Patrick's day will be unbelievable for the evening, with the second half of the week staying dark.

Principally it will be unbelievable in your local region as certain visions of a terrible and dark prognostication evade your happy thinking.

This week's silly weather forecast

Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
11°c
51.8°F
Tue
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
45°c
113°F
Wed
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
19°c
66.2°F
Thu
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
33°c
91.4°F
Fri
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
23°c
73.4°F
Sat
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
-8°c
17.6°F
Sun
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
-8°c
17.6°F
Mon



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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Pisces horoscope

Compact Discs are very shiny, but using them to attract seagulls in order to bludgeon them to death with your shoe......

Full horoscope

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