Weather
Today's weather report
5th November 2025
The report for dawn or some other short period we can't possibly predict indicates it has a 90-95% chance of being devastating for the day, with the second half of the week transforming into dark. Stormy with hailstorms in the west. Sunny spells elsewhere.
Foggy mist along with chubby rain will arrive into the east during the weekend, edging into southeastern fringes by the next three weeks. Guarantees of weather are no guarantee of weather today, as moist air from the southwest mixes with stormy air from the southwest and causes clash of the titans type scenes of devastation and mayhem.
In our six o'clock check on the weather, we'll be bringing you the latest on the effect that summer sport has on the weather cycle, and its long term impact on climate change.
This week's silly weather forecast
I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.
I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.
Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.
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