Weather

Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds

Today's weather report

23rd January 2019

Hailstorms will affect northeastern areas but there will also be low lying cloud or bright spells, and any snowfall will decrease. For those looking to go out and about later on in the day, the prognostication shows that the weather remains sensible. The likely pattern for today will be cold, with foggy mist during the latter part of the afternoon. Wet with chubby rain in the southeast.

Disturbing slivers of autumn elsewhere. It'll be damp and/or moist and fruity for much of today, with occasional and sometimes eternal heavy or light fog.

Thunderstorms are not expected in your region, although people are being warned to be careful in case this changes, the chances of which are undetermined.

This week's silly weather forecast

Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
1°c
33.8°F
Wed
Pointy birds get reinforcements against limbless sheep
15°c
59°F
Thu
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
1°c
33.8°F
Fri
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
-1°c
30.2°F
Sat
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
29°c
84.2°F
Sun
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
33°c
91.4°F
Mon
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
2°c
35.6°F
Tue



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
... AND CLICK
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:


Leo horoscope

You will find you get better sex advice if you stop talking to what you call "little people" in your nearby park....

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Snow shock! Met Office claims, "It's not easy predicting the weather".   Paige Van Zant following second round submission win over Rachael Ostovich at UFC Fight Night 143: Bring on Valentina Shevchenko  
Write and publish your own funny stories
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed