Weather

Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds

Today's weather report

26th September 2018

Bright sunshine and light drizzle across the region to end the day, with light drizzle dying away during tomorrow. The future for,or within, some period between now and the distant future will be wet for the evening, with the first half of the week deteriorating towards wholly unsuitable in every way. Sunny spells will affect southern areas but there will also be chubby rain or light drizzle, and any winds will increase.

The results of several or more sports fixtures will affect the temperature in many households across your region today.

Wins or losses are likely to cause a general stabilisation of core winds on both sides of the region, but draws can effect the collapse of the ionosphere.

This week's silly weather forecast

Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
-5°c
23°F
Wed
A sheep with no limbs would taste as sweet...
17°c
62.6°F
Thu
Pointy birds get eaten by reinforcements; still attack limbless sheep
20°c
68°F
Fri
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
26°c
78.8°F
Sat
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
27°c
80.6°F
Sun
Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
7°c
44.6°F
Mon
Limbless sheep being attacked by pointy birds
25°c
77°F
Tue



I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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