Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds

Today's weather report

18th September 2019

The odd shower will affect northwestern areas but there will also be light drizzle or chubby rain, and any winds will ease. Foggy mist and unseasonable climate across the region to end the day, with bright sunshine dying away during the rest of the week. Chubby rain along with disturbing slivers of autumn will arrive into the southwest during,or within, some period between now and the distant future, edging into southeastern fringes by dawn or some other short period we can't possibly predict.

Snow May appear at around noon today, and possibly inside as well as out.

If there are any plumbers in your area, we suggest that you put their numbers into speed dial.

This week's silly weather forecast

Limbless sheep retailiating against pointy birds
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Brazen sunshine, pointy birds be damned on a day like today
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Sun afraid, hiding from pointy birds
Sun VERY afraid, hiding from pointy birds

I've been predicting fake funny weather reports now for so long that I can't stand to look at my own face; I now have to cope with brushing my hair using the back of a spoon, or I start to feel sick. Life disgusts me, and so do all the people I know. Actually, the people I don't know disgust me more, so file that under irrelevant. "What's the weather going to be like, Sharon?" they ask me. Well, I spit on them and tell them it's gonna be wet. They punch me in the face and mock me for "not seeing it coming". You tell me: is that fair? Probably.

I hope you enjoy my funny spoof weather reports because they're about as funny as the weather is to forecast. Am I a fake? Oh hell yeah. But, in true satire ways, my fake weather forecasts are as likely to come true as a genuine weather forecasts. The trick, really, is to say that I'm going to be predicting today's weather, when the truth of it is that I can look outside and see generally whether it's going to be a nice day or a bad day. Then I ignore all of that and try to make you laugh instead.

Oh, and please note that we're not responsible for the actual weather outside, or inside. Or anywhere, really.

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