Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy

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The world was stunned last week as the first full-sized scans of the Titanic's wreckage were released to the public. Never before has such a detailed picture been revealed, exposing every inch of the infamous sunk ship.

Celine Dion, famous for her iconic song "My Heart Will Go On," was reportedly devastated. "I can't believe it," she was overheard saying. "I thought I knew everything there was to know about the Titanic. This is a low blow."

The general public had mixed reactions, with many expressing excitement to finally see the wreckage in such detail. "It's like I'm right there, sinking with the ship," said one person.

However, there were also concerns raised about the confidentiality of the scans. "I hope nobody tries to copy the Titanic now," said a worried citizen.

As for the personalities involved, James Cameron, director of the hit film Titanic, was ecstatic. "This is fantastic!" he said. "Now I can finally make a 20th-anniversary 3D re-release of the movie with even more accurate details!"

Meanwhile, Leonardo DiCaprio, who played the lovestruck Jack in the film, had a more nonchalant reaction. "Honestly, I'm just glad I didn't have to jump in that freezing water again," he joked.

In conclusion, the world is abuzz with this groundbreaking new look at the Titanic's wreckage. As one person stated, "It's like history is coming alive again!" Or sinking, depending on how you look at it.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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