A ninja has today announced his candidacy for the next American Presidency, in 2016. Although currently unaffiliated to any of the major parties, Dan Silverman (46) is said to be "stoked" and "hyper" about his decision:
"People underestimate what it is to be a ninja. They think it's all what they see in that turtling programme, but let me tell you it's very different. My master wasn't a goddamned rat! He was a man - a good man, a man for a different era."
Ninjas have historically done very well in the primaries, and Mr Silverman's Ohio constituency is no stranger to the power and effectiveness a ninja can bring for the state. Local grocery store owner Jackie Robertson told us:
"Oh we're all over Dan's claim to run for President. It's a little known fact that George Washington himself, an Ohion if every there was one, was a fully-fledged ninja. He would get all up in people's grills without them even noticing - he was that stealthy. We're all gonna vote for Dan - he will be President, you'll see!"
We asked Mr Silverman what his motivations were in his upcoming challenge, and he declared:
"Well, it was this one time in the park. A guy was attacking this other guy and I stepped in. Well, no-one saw me step in, of course, but I did, and I laid out both guys cold. Then I realised what it was that made me a politician - I didn't know about their quarrel, I just saw that they were struggling. Maybe the guy being attacked had done something bad to the other guy. Wasn't right that I should make a call either way, so I whupped both their asses and that was my justice. I knew from then on what my destiny was."
Silverman's campaign bus will no doubt roll on unseen over the next few months. We are very interested to see what happens in the future.