Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Cancer

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.

Shooting high into the air during a celebration, may cause injury to you or those around you. Your friends will call you Jumbo. This year may seem to have started as you intended, but what's happened since, eh? Nothing. You haven't done anything. Get out there and get something sorted!

Screaming loudly only serves to wake the neighbours. They'll only investigate once they're sure you're dead and the murderer has left the crime scene.

More from Laughsend

thumbnail for Celine Dion news story Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy thumbnail for Bush news story George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction

Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?

Our most popular funny stories




Interested to know if Yesterday's Horoscope was correct?

More from Laughsend

thumbnail for Celine Dion news story Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy thumbnail for Bush news story George W Bush to Take Over as the New Host of The Price is Right and Finally Find the Weapons of Mass Destruction
Funny RSS feed