CancerBirth date: 22 June - 22 July
The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.
The chance for change has long since left you. Terrible news is headed your way - the best way to save your sanity is by implicating as many people as possible in your demise.
Potato salesmen may call today and leave you a spud on your doorstep.
If life makes you feel like dancing, dance the night away.
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