Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Cancer

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.

"Deliver us from evil" they said. Perhaps this week would be a good time to start living as though this were possible. When trying to take the top of a bottle of paracetamol, you may find yourself contemplating destroying the universe.

Feel free to go dancing until 3am with various transsexuals at a local notorious disco. Only this way will you be able to say "I've danced till the early morn with some crazy bender lady-boys!".

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