Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Your prejudices may lead you astray today and leave you requiring four or five stitches. People older than you often ask your opinion because you are a trend setter and a marvellous role model for society in general.

All the best plans go awry, so please make sure you're ready for any surprises.

Smiles help the world go round, especially when the smiles are accompanied by dirty big wads of cash. Cold hard cash. In fact, forget the smiles, just give everyone money.

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