Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Cancer

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.

This week is going to be one of those "trials by fire" type nightmares that happen every so often. I wish I could give you more details but then you'd have no good reason to return over the coming days, would you? The likelihood is that you're going to feel very miserable about it and for a few days you might sport a "pout" that could actually win awards.

Today's mishaps will come in the shape of a toad, whilst salvation will come in the shape of a large truck. There's a future in toad-jam, by the way, if you're at all interested. It tastes lousy but makes a really good insect repellent.

Act daft today, help people close to you smile, and feel the healing power of laughter.

Don't worry. Be happy.

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