Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.

God is very much a vengeful god, so watch out for falling pianos. (God is also a 'Laurel and Hardy' fan.) The play's the thing, eh? Sounds like you need a hot bath and some valium.

Armchair politicians will affect your life today as they rise from their dank pits and begin to conquer the known world.

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