Your free, funny Cancer horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Cancer

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

The following is your Cancer horoscope for today, and we hope you enjoy reading our funny attempt at astrology.

A film will set you straight about a number of things today and will also serve to kill between one and a half and two and a half hours of the day. Probably. Sorry, it's a slow day for you, there's nothing much I can say that will make it any more interesting.

Super-hero day is your own invention, and as such not a free-pass to wearing your underwear on the outside.

Cats can eat mice but can't dogs also? This kind of nonsense querying that comes from an older person than you, will start to grate today.

Waiting for a lift to come is like going down the stairs, only less calories. See?

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