Romantic Cancer love horoscope

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might thinking "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady". And if you think that, well then I will have done my job.


Heaven knows what kinds of things are going to happen you today. All I'm able to tell you is that it's going to be hectic and possibly traumatic. It's hard though because that could just be what's on television, and not what's going to happen to you. It's a hard life being an astrologer and trying to see exactly what's going to happen to YOU. Specifically You. Sorry.

To say that love is dumb is just acknowledging the fact that love hasn't affected you in the way you need it to. You do have romance in your heart but it needs to be released. Relax all your muscles, perhaps excluding any sphincters, and then tense them all again. Then relax again. Now go get 'em!

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
... AND CLICK
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:

Gemini horoscope

The long and winding road will not necessarily lead you to Paul McCartney. Which really should be a good thing, other......

Full horoscope
Write and publish your own funny stories
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed