Romantic Cancer love horoscope

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July

Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might thinking "Well, now that just seems like a fairly standard amount of lady". And if you think that, well then I will have done my job.

Heaven knows what kinds of things are going to happen you today. All I'm able to tell you is that it's going to be hectic and possibly traumatic. It's hard though because that could just be what's on television, and not what's going to happen to you. It's a hard life being an astrologer and trying to see exactly what's going to happen to YOU. Specifically You. Sorry.

To say that love is dumb is just acknowledging the fact that love hasn't affected you in the way you need it to. You do have romance in your heart but it needs to be released. Relax all your muscles, perhaps excluding any sphincters, and then tense them all again. Then relax again. Now go get 'em!

Libra horoscope

Your legs look nice today. Show them off in some kind of very short skirt that nearly shows your organy-bits. Yes......

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