Funny horoscopes 2016

Our funny horoscopes just got funnier with parody astrology! Brought to you by our favourite zodiac experts, choose from your astrological star sign below and check out your free daily funny horoscope with a beautiful parody of your love and romance readings for 2015. Click on the appropriate zodiac sign and you'll be whisked away into a hilarious horoscope journey. Also, don't forget to check your romantic love horoscopes.

Select your funny star-sign: Libra | Scorpio | Sagittarius | Capricorn | Aquarius | Pisces

Aries

Birth date: 21 March - 19 April
  • You are not a loser. You just...don't...not...un-win. Everything you are thinking about will end up getting lost in some sort of fuzzy logic. Your...
    Funny Aries Horoscope for Today

  • Romance is in the air today, just over the north of France. If you don't happen to be near the north of France then chances are you're going to...
    Romantic Aries Horoscope for 2016

  • Ariens are probably due for a bit of a come-back. During the 90s and the early part of the 00s...
    Aries Star-Sign Profile

Taurus

Birth date: 20 April - 20 May
  • When gazing upon the face of a loved one, close your mouth and stop babbling on about how much you wish that restraining order had been quashed.
    Funny Taurus Horoscope for Today

  • You set your sights too high, it's time to lower them in order to find true love. Be aware that marrying your own pets is not allowed in most count...
    Romantic Taurus Horoscope for 2016

  • Whilst occasionally malodorous, Taureans are reknowned for their good sense of humor and their ability to laugh at the strangest...
    Taurus Star-Sign Profile

Gemini

Birth date: 21 May - 21 June
  • You deserve praise for your excellent work. Unfortunately for you, the way forward can sometimes be the way backwards this week. This may become...
    Funny Gemini Horoscope for Today

  • Fire, brimstone and the devil's genitals - none of these will get in your way as you chase your way through beelzebub's lair in order to land yourself...
    Romantic Gemini Horoscope for 2016

  • Gemini or "The Twins", is one of the more sensual of star-signs. This sensuality is often marred...
    Gemini Star-Sign Profile

Cancer

Birth date: 22 June - 22 July
  • You are everything you always hoped you would never be. Today may be the day for a quick change. The law may be your friend today, or it might turn...
    Funny Cancer Horoscope for Today

  • Three times a lady is a hell of a lot of lady, you might think. But later on this week you might thinking "Well, now that just seems like a fairly...
    Romantic Cancer Horoscope for 2016

  • Cancer, "the sign of the crabs" is (somewhat) ironically one of the signs that is least likely to contract VD...
    Cancer Star-Sign Profile

Leo

Birth date: 23 July - 22 August
  • Gloomy times lay ahead. You have cleverly structured an impressive set piece in your head. Put it into practise today and you'll quickly see the...
    Funny Leo Horoscope for Today

  • Plans for the future are put on hold today as a certain someone turns your head and breaks three vertebrae. Spitting is a filthy habit and may put...
    Romantic Leo Horoscope for 2016

  • Leo - the lion! Strong, powerful, masterly - the Leo has an awesome responsibility to take care of all of us...
    Leo Star-Sign Profile

Virgo

Birth date: 23 August - 22 September
  • The future holds much joy and happiness for someone close to you. But not you. Oh no, you're screwed. Destiny is more like a buzz-word than something...
    Funny Virgo Horoscope for Today

  • You will overhear gossip today about your love life whilst you are sat on the toilet. You may have cause to damn your flatulent ways before you...
    Romantic Virgo Horoscope for 2016

  • Virgo, "The Virgin", can be far from virginal and is often extremely outgoing, forthcoming and giving...
    Virgo Star-Sign Profile

Libra

Birth date: 23 September - 23 October
  • The good thing about the internet is that no-one knows quite how disturbingly grotesque you look. When you steal copyrighted material, make sure...
    Funny Libra Horoscope for Today

  • A horoscope will affect your decisions today as love will strike on your heart and make you ask someone out, someone you would never previously...
    Romantic Libra Horoscope for 2016

  • Librans are sometimes known to go in for wife/husband swapping, and "swinging" appears to be...
    Libra Star-Sign Profile

Scorpio

Birth date: 24 October - 21 November
  • Liven up your day by putting party balloons all around your desk. All the ideas you've ever had will be totally blown out of the water today. Always...
    Funny Scorpio Horoscope for Today

  • News will come from a former colleague that for years you have both been in love with each other. This will be a surprise for you because you've...
    Romantic Scorpio Horoscope for 2016

  • Scorpions are most often very prim and proper, not enjoying fart jokes or Calvin and Hobbes...
    Scorpio Star-Sign Profile

Sagittarius

Birth date: 22 November - 21 December

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January
  • Deja vu is not a thai dish that you had two weeks ago. The right moment could grab you at any moment. Hoping to find love in a chippy just shows...
    Funny Capricorn Horoscope for Today

  • Your marital status may change this week, either due to some pre-planned marriage type thing, or possibly just a typing error on a car insurance...
    Romantic Capricorn Horoscope for 2016

  • Capricornians - the most gentle of all the star signs, always ready to help a friend in need without secretly eyeing...
    Capricorn Star-Sign Profile

Aquarius

Birth date: 20 January - 18 February

Pisces

Birth date: 19 February - 20 March
  • Something will stir your memory today and it may take a few hours for you to resolve your sense of deja vu. Telephone salesmen may come through...
    Funny Pisces Horoscope for Today

  • Waiting for your loved one to come to you could be a big mistake. This is especially true for at least one person today, whose loved one happens...
    Romantic Pisces Horoscope for 2016

  • Pisces are to astrology what the Vulcans are to Star Trek. They are the peacekeepers...
    Pisces Star-Sign Profile

Remember, our horoscopes change daily, so remember to follow us on Twitter or join us on Facebook for your daily treat! And if you're not at all interested in astrology or the zodiac, you can get a free daily fortune cookie straight in your inbox!

These pages are intentionally silly - comedy fortunes to not live your life by! Please read our new web page about why laughsend writes these horoscope pages.

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Cancer horoscope

You are everything you always hoped you would never be. Today may be the day for a quick change. The law may be your......

Full horoscope

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
... AND CLICK
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:


Cancer horoscope

You are everything you always hoped you would never be. Today may be the day for a quick change. The law may be your......

Full horoscope

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