Funny horoscopes 2024

Make yourself a coffee, sit down and read the internet. Hell, it's what you do everyday, right? Many of the people you admire are going to have...

Laughter will help you today, especially if you want to avoid crying. Your ideals are starting to shape the way you're living, so congratulations....

Today is going to be like most days, certainly in terms of its length and the frequency of sun-rises to sun-sets. Death is the stark figure in the...

Be wary of all new friends today as they may turn out to be Russian spies, or possibly wannabe astronomers. Avoid serious questions wherever possible...

Only with your amazing skills were you able to find this horoscope, and for that you will be rewarded with only good news. Satan may seem like a re...

Many things that people say over the coming days will appear nonsensical, but may start to make sense towards the end of the week. Bovine tendencies...

The richer they are, the more money they have to spend paying you off. Remember that. Continually turning around in a circle is not a good way to a...

As accurate as the weather report might be, you must be careful to avoid the 3011 bus. Speak slowly and you will be heard. People will think you're...

You have achieved what most of us only dream about - you are a star. Chew the cud with some friends today. Their inane chatter may amuse you. Stripes...

Get used to seeing bruises over the next few days as you and furniture begin not seeing eye to eye. You might find you start aching below the knee,...

When hankering for some food you may decide to experiment with various plants - avoid those with 3 leaves. Login to every site you can and you'll...

Hope will always get you through your problems. Yes, "hope" your doctor is mistaken or misinformed about your unforunate predicament. If you don't...