Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Capricornians - the most gentle of all the star signs, always ready to help a friend in need without secretly eyeing their partner or wallet. Capricorns are also particularly gifted when it comes to flag folding and often make the best Scouts.

When choosing a friend you can do no wrong in picking a Capricorn, they are always there when you need to mooch and even though they are wise fellows and will attempt to steer you in a positive direction, they are also weak willed and will bail you out as much as you need.

Capricorn also has a tendency, or penchant, towards hats. In a survey carried out by Laughsend, eight of the ten people we stopped in the street who were wearing hats, were all born Capricorn.


The average Capricornian eats 12 pounds of radishes in one solar year, enough for a doozer population to create an entire city!

The most famous Capricorn is, of course, Jesus Harold Christ. Yes, I'm aware that the "Harold" is an old and tired joke, but my editor keeps hitting my needle arm and it's sore. I should probably explain by that that I've just had my tetanus and flu jab in the same area. Whilst this raises the bar somewhat for most Capricorns, it is also interesting to note that Mr Christ died during the time of Aries and should therefore be the natural enemy of Capricorn.

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Although 9/11 still makes you feel like shit, stop moaning on about it. Oil in your lamp may keep you burning till......

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