CapricornBirth date: 22 December - 19 January
Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.
Dandruff and bad breath is not the best way to ward off unwanted advances. Although, assuming that is your intention, you are definitely going about it the right way.
A lot of your work will be undone today as someone evil and vicious sets about making your life less nice.
Death can stalk you in all forms, even cute little pussy cats and slugs. Beware of all cats who have slugs attached to their backs.
More from LaughsendTourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report Punny History
Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?
Our most popular funny stories