Capricorn
Birth date: 22 December - 19 JanuaryYour capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.
You can't hide from the rest of the day, so I suggest you burst headlong into it without waiting for anyone to catch up. Dave is not a name you want to associate with today. Dave may be the devil's spawn. It's hard to tell.
Clarity of thought is something you need to accomplish today. Optrex is your lucky fluid for the day.
Commenting on a nearby person's "peaches" may not go down too well today. Avoid all sexy language in your lunch break.
Jump to another horoscope »
Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?
Our most popular funny stories
Copyright © 2019