Your free, funny Capricorn horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Capricorn

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.

Your weaknesses may turn out to be your strengths today, and you'll find yourself easily swayed by nonsense that you read online. Damaging words reach your ears after a disagreement over a neighbour's pets. Damaging "poo" will be flung back across the garden fence if the issue is not resolved within the next few weeks. You may soon receive good news from a vet.

Flapping your arms like a bird is a good way to call attention to yourself.

Mythology states that all kinds of crazy crap happened. You believe that, don't you? That's why your here. Please pay at the exit.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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