Your free, funny Capricorn horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Capricorn

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.

You will be plagued by happy people, but don't be swayed by them, stay miserable. Your legs look nice today. Show them off in some kind of very short skirt that nearly shows your organy-bits. Yes Derek, I'm talking to you!

You like to think that you're finally gettings your financial affairs into good order. May the tax be with you.

When we tell you that it's 'cryptic', we basically mean that we made it up.

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