Your free, funny Capricorn horoscope for today

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.

The world moves pretty fast around you and you must learn to slow it down to a reasonable pace. Much of this can be done with a hefty broad-sword. Someone called Dave will contact you in the next couple of days.

You are not anyone's "bitch".

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