Your free, funny Capricorn horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Capricorn

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.

Your legs look nice today. Show them off in some kind of very short skirt that nearly shows your organy-bits. Yes Derek, I'm talking to you! Your selfish ways will not improve this week as you win a sizeable jackpot on the lottery.

Parts of you are pleased that you are to become single once again. Mostly the groinal parts.

All of your aims are achievable, although many of them would involve bionic implants and a lot of theft.

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

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