Your free, funny Capricorn horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Capricorn

Capricorn

Birth date: 22 December - 19 January

Your capricorn horoscope is a daily reminder of how wonderful you are, but also (we hope) capable of cheering you up when you're a bit down.

Sandwiches often seem harmless until they force their way into your stomach and start screaming and banging. Terrible news is headed your way - the best way to save your sanity is by implicating as many people as possible in your demise.

Terrible envy can be yours all for the price of walking into a very expensive car showroom. Use that negative energy to summon up dark spirits.

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