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Titanic Wreck Scanned, Celine Dion Weeps With Envy
Coming up on the spoof TV schedule:
Cookery show showcasing the unusual meats of the world. Each episode welcomes a special star guest who will cook a mystery meat with host Larry Ballstein, before trailing around downtown New York to find willing triallists.
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Horoscopes
Aries
The loony-left is a phrase that you quite like. Take time out to consider your options; climb a mountain, dig your...Taurus
Most of your dreams will come true over the coming fortnight, so prepare for wealth, health and happiness, you lucky...Gemini
Music is likely to help you through today, so try to listen to as much as possible. Your favourite sources of protein...Cancer
You are a carrier bag and life is one big supermarket. Now you're fully engrossed in that analogy, I want you to thin...Leo
When the morning is done, you will have your sweet reward. You may feel like starving yourself today in order to lose...Virgo
Your "rustic charms" are not an excuse for being smelly and dirty. All the time you spent on learning French is never...Libra
Although your faults are easy enough to see, you must really make an effort today to let people truly understand the...Scorpio
If you never liked sprouts before, try them again. Your tastes may have changed. If you're terrified by the thought...Sagittarius
Parts of you feel like giving up the ghost today, but feeding those parts with ice-cream and bacon bits may revive...Capricorn
Today is another day, and all can be well both here and in Denmark. You have recently received some equipment for...
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