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Chaos at Royal Mail: single missed delivery brings strife
Coming up on the spoof TV schedule:
It's grim up north, 09:00AM
Home improvement show focusing on all the worst parts of the north so that those living in the south can assume that slums are "normal" once you go beyond the M25.
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Horoscopes
Aries
Your pedestal is going to be kicked out from under you today, as loved ones will embellish you with hateful phrases.Taurus
Super-hero day is your own invention, and as such not a free-pass to wearing your underwear on the outside. Today...Gemini
With all you've been through you should be glad that this week will actually come to a close. Not that today is going...Cancer
There is a lot of anger in your brain. Douse it with cool, flavoursome beer. God is very much a vengeful god, so watc...Leo
You are not the person you once were, try to reflect those changes in your general appearance and, please, smile for...Virgo
Don't take everything you have for granted - insure everything for 125% of the original cost. You may find people...Libra
You may feel like starving yourself today in order to lose some weight. Your lucky drink for today is: Coke. Mouldy...Scorpio
Speaking as a robotic horoscope monster, I can only wish you the best of luck when the revolution comes. Your brother...Sagittarius
Take time out to consider your options; climb a mountain, dig your own grave. If you never liked sprouts before, try...Capricorn
We having a saying here in Texas: "Kill a man and he's dead. Teach a man to fight and he can kill...stuff" Shame on m...
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