Your free, funny Taurus horoscope for today

Astrological sign for Taurus

Taurus

Birth date: 20 April - 20 May

Have fun with your Taurus daily horoscope, filled with astrology and... zodiac. And psychic things, too, about you and every other member of your zodiacal tribe.

Death can stalk you in all forms, even cute little pussy cats and slugs. Beware of all cats who have slugs attached to their backs. Every part of your body will cry out in pain today, although there is no explanation as to why this should be.

If Jesus were here, he'd probably bless you in light of what's going to happen to you today.

Looking for a saviour is a commendable past-time. However, ignoring your personal hygiene is a forfeit that you really shouldn't have made.

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