TaurusBirth date: 20 April - 20 May
Have fun with your Taurus daily horoscope, filled with astrology and... zodiac. And psychic things, too, about you and every other member of your zodiacal tribe.
Everything you feel about yourself will be confirmed today as you're put through the mill and emerge victorious. Tomatoes can be your best friend - go Red for the day. * This horoscope is not sponsored by Heinz, or the Communist Party.
A lot of your work will be undone today as someone evil and vicious sets about making your life less nice.
Every part of your body will cry out in pain today, although there is no explanation as to why this should be.
More from LaughsendSwedish woman arrested and charged with hate crime after stabbing immigrant to death UN agrees to creation of Christmas 2
Looking for more funny star sign related laughs?
Our most popular funny stories