Ninja 4 President

A park bench saluting the announcement

A ninja has today announced his candidacy for the next American Presidency, in 2016. Although currently unaffiliated to any of the major parties, Dan Silverman (46) is said to be "stoked" and "hyper" about his decision:

"People underestimate what it is to be a ninja. They think it's all what they see in that turtling programme, but let me tell you it's very different. My master wasn't a goddamned rat! He was a man - a good man, a man for a different era."

Ninjas have historically done very well in the primaries, and Mr Silverman's Ohio constituency is no stranger to the power and effectiveness a ninja can bring for the state. Local grocery store owner Jackie Robertson told us:

"Oh we're all over Dan's claim to run for President. It's a little known fact that George Washington himself, an Ohion if every there was one, was a fully-fledged ninja. He would get all up in people's grills without them even noticing - he was that stealthy. We're all gonna vote for Dan - he will be President, you'll see!"

We asked Mr Silverman what his motivations were in his upcoming challenge, and he declared:

"Well, it was this one time in the park. A guy was attacking this other guy and I stepped in. Well, no-one saw me step in, of course, but I did, and I laid out both guys cold. Then I realised what it was that made me a politician - I didn't know about their quarrel, I just saw that they were struggling. Maybe the guy being attacked had done something bad to the other guy. Wasn't right that I should make a call either way, so I whupped both their asses and that was my justice. I knew from then on what my destiny was."

Silverman's campaign bus will no doubt roll on unseen over the next few months. We are very interested to see what happens in the future.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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Comments

#1 @ 11 years ago

by plantation-wheel152 - Quiet veteran

I DOUBT THS IS CORRECT. :)

19 comments, registered 11 years ago

#2 @ 11 years ago

by Eoin Colfer - Ghost

WHATEVER?

:

2 comments, registered 11 years ago

#3 @ 11 years ago

by dillonkidd - Ghost

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

10 comments, registered 11 years ago

#4 @ 11 years ago

by Echo & the Bunnymen - Quiet veteran

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

12 comments, registered 11 years ago

#5 @ 11 years ago

by operation caterpillar123 - Quiet veteran

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

17 comments, registered 11 years ago

#6 @ 11 years ago

by Richard Adams - Quiet veteran

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

27 comments, registered 11 years ago

#7 @ 11 years ago

by aiden choi - Ghost

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

I just do not get it.

4 comments, registered 11 years ago

#8 @ 11 years ago

by meal_drum - Ghost

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

I'm here all week.

4 comments, registered 11 years ago

#9 @ 11 years ago

by WILLIAMDUKE7 - Quiet veteran

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

12 comments, registered 11 years ago

#10 @ 11 years ago

by roof reading1984 - Ghost

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

Now listen here you little idiots... edited: sorry, wrong post!

2 comments, registered 11 years ago

#11 @ 11 years ago

by plantation-wheel152 - Quiet veteran

aiden choi wrote

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

I just do not get it.

MEH WITH MEH ON TO. OH FOR THE LOVE OF JIMBO.

19 comments, registered 11 years ago

#12 @ 11 years ago

by operation caterpillar123 - Quiet veteran

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

SUPER MEH. SUR, WHY NOT.

17 comments, registered 11 years ago

#13 @ 11 years ago

by Richard Adams - Quiet veteran

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

27 comments, registered 11 years ago

#14 @ 11 years ago

by operation caterpillar123 - Quiet veteran

Richard Adams wrote

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

COMMENTS ARE LIKE ASHOLES... NO, THAT'S NOT ACCURATE...

17 comments, registered 11 years ago

#15 @ 11 years ago

by Error-Expert - Quiet veteran

Richard Adams wrote

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

Ha!

11 comments, registered 11 years ago

#16 @ 11 years ago

by Richard Adams - Quiet veteran

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

COMMENTS ARE LIKE ASHOLES... NO, THAT'S NOT ACCURATE...

LAUGH-OUT-LOUD. AWESOME! A MASTERPIECE.

27 comments, registered 11 years ago

#17 @ 11 years ago

by Bushes Chamois - Quiet veteran

Richard Adams wrote

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

I facepalmed so hard I can now balance my glasses on the back of my head. You do not understand string theory do you? I hope you get hit by a rampaging bull.

25 comments, registered 11 years ago

#18 @ 11 years ago

by YakBridge7 - Ghost

plantation-wheel152 wrote

aiden choi wrote

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

I just do not get it.

MEH WITH MEH ON TO. OH FOR THE LOVE OF JIMBO.

WHATEVER. MEH. :)

2 comments, registered 11 years ago

#19 @ 11 years ago

by plantation-wheel152 - Quiet veteran

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

HOW DROLL. :)

COMMENTS ARE LIKE ASHOLES... NO, THAT'S NOT ACCURATE...

I AM ABOUT AS HAPPY AS I CA BE MADE. YOU ARE COMPLETELY RIGHT. :)

19 comments, registered 11 years ago

#20 @ 11 years ago

by rubio7 - Quiet veteran

meal_drum wrote

operation caterpillar123 wrote

Echo & the Bunnymen wrote

Eoin Colfer wrote

WHATEVER?

:

I DON'T KNOW.

Likeable.

I'm here all week.

I can't decide wheher I should find out when your next on holiday, take the week off, find out where you live, and spend a full seven days eating badly, and then shitting on everything you own. This whole idea is stolen from somewhere else.

13 comments, registered 11 years ago

#21 @ 10 years ago

by Jane Austen123 - Ghost

WILLIAMDUKE7 wrote

Richard Adams wrote

dillonkidd wrote

I've read almost everything on the internet and this is better than all of that. I very much love the material on this website.

:(.

HERE IS THE CLEAR MASTER OF DEFLECTING ATTENTION. :(

loved it. :)

this rocks my world. i've laughed, i've cried, i've lived... and i've died. but this still beats all those experiences. :)

6 comments, registered 11 years ago

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