Food turns to poo inside body, claims medical expert

Medical expert, and TV personality, Dr Joanne Gregory, has today announced the remarkable finding that food turns to poo once absorbed into the human body. Dr Gregory, who is renowned for both her medical cook books, and guides to medieval sourcery, launched her new book "How poo works, for beginners" with the following cover-blurb:

"We don't want you to be 'grossed out' by the idea, but it's fairly conclusive that, when we eat food, the stomach will slowly and somewhat magically scourge it of all color and texture, and create a big blob of poo. This then 'appears' near the exit of the 'butt', ready for 'expulsion'. #gross"

The blurb has been scientifically checked, as her all her other work, by friend and husband, Jonathan Gregory, who insists Dr Gregory's findings are accurate. Mr Gregory has defended Dr Gregory on a number of prior occasions, and is no stranger to the rumours that not only is his wife a sham scientist, but that she is also working as a beard in order to conceal his actual sexual orientation.

"It's fabricated nonsense," he begins, " - not my wife's work you understand, no that's all scientifically sound. No, I'm referring to the idea that she and I are not sexually active. I can tell you - we totally are. Totally. Her breasts feel just like bags of sand, like it says in that movie that I only watched the beginning of."

Dr Gregory made headlines last year when she became the first person to successfully lobby a court to allow her to change her first name to "Dr".