World Health

Modern lifestyle healthy claims psychotic

story image about Modern life, drawn by Christian Bell
Report story

Psychotic Christian Bell has today announced that the modern lifestyle is "perfectly healthy", in direct contradiction to common sense, science, and how most people feel. Bell, who currently holds the world record for dangling heavy weights from her long flowing ponytails, is currently on tour promoting her book "You are all weak!". We caught up with her (which wasn't hard actually, those heavy weights impede progress):

"Modern life is easy, not rubbish!" she began. She seemed to be chewing a thin lead bar. "It's that everyone's gone soft like a baby's flabby arm. If you can't stay up 23 hours a day, performing at least 3 simultaneous tasks, then there's something wrong with you in your brain chunks, but not your body. You need to be exorcised of the demon that says 'Woe is me! I have two jobs! I have seven kids! I can't cope!' Well of course you can - it's all in your mind."

While performing the interview, it's worth noting that Bell practices what she preaches: she was completing a chapter for her new book "Even Jesus Wept While Doing Three Other Things"; peeling potatoes with her feet, and crushing her recyclable cans using kegle exercises.

"Perhaps when people stop playing the blame game and start simply living life, they'll realise it's completely possible to take everything in your stride. No problems!"

Until then, she suggests that we all take time out of our "busy" schedules to do the following:

  • Read a book and write one at the same time.
  • Go for a run while chopping dinner vegetables.
  • Eat dinner while sleeping.
  • Sing songs about love while having arguments.

Get Weekly Funny Stuff in your Inbox

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter

Headlines like this

thumbnail for item Peace, with flower

Violent peace breaks out across the globe

World 0

Violent outbreaks of peace have today disrupted the whole world. Chaos reigns as governments across the globe decide on how to take action against, what are being dubbed as, the "peacemakers"....

read more
5 years ago
thumbnail for item Adam Sandler sucks

Adam Sandler is likely "next step in evolution"

World Sci / Tech 0

Adam Sandler, comedy actor and sometimes musician, has been declared by an anonymous group of scientists to contain all the hallmarks of man's next step in evolution. The claim,...

read more
5 years ago


This content hasn't made people froth at the mouth with comments yet. Why not be the first to add one?

To add a comment you must first sign up and login.

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:

Taurus horoscope

Post-it note your entire life and you can become some kind of local hero. You're almost certainly to star on the loca......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Tourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report   Punny History  
Write and publish your own funny stories
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed