Violent peace breaks out across the globe

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Violent outbreaks of peace have today disrupted the whole world. Chaos reigns as governments across the globe decide on how to take action against, what are being dubbed as, the "peacemakers".

Around 40,000 peacemakers are thought to be behind the troubles, cropping up in places as disparate as the Sudan, Hong Kong, Great Britain, and in the State of Texas, in the United States. While some have called for the immediate detainment and most painful execution of those responsible for the outbreaks of peace, government officials from those countries most directly affected have so far being trying to quell panic.

"This," claimed one spokesperson from somewhere suspiciously hot, "is simply an outpouring of propaganda from our enemies. This concept of 'peace' is an outlandish lie that is meant to incite violence and destroy our liberties. We are strong; we will not be divided; we will crush this peace whereever it raises its violent head."

British PM Nigel Fairbanks had this to say:

"I spilt a bloody good glass of port when I heard the news. Damned hippies. Shoot them like foxes, that's what I say. Oh, fox hunting's illegal is it? Ah well, shoot them like the poor, that's what I say!"

The peacemakers are said to be using ancient techiques, including "language" to attempt to further convert others to their cause, using outmoded methods such as: gentle persuasion, sitting down around a table and listening to grievances, and recognising when someone has said something that gives one a wider perspective, perhaps even acknowleding that one's previous standpoint was unfair and even wrong.

However, other peacemakers are high as hell on drugs, which obviously immediately destroys and moots any real point that the others were making.

The peacemakers are expected to have been imprisoned, and otherwise silenced, within the next few hours.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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