9/11 museum 'depressing', says world's most upbeat man

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The 9/11 museum, opening to the public for the first time later this month, has received its first visitors in an early ceremony to commemorate the lives lost in the tragedy. September 11, 2001, is a date that many won't forget, but it's not the kind of thing you expect to bother Marvin Bascoe, 32, from Illinois, who according to Guinness Records is officially the world's "most upbeat man". He was invited to take part in the first few walkrounds through the museum, only to emerge visibly moved.

"I thoroughly believe that it doesn't matter who you are," Bascoe announced to waiting media, "the very existence of this museum is essential to help us truly understand what it means to be human. The site of the former World Trade Center towers belongs to a unique group of beacons for human tragedy, along with the concentration camps of World War Two, and Usher's early-career-encouragement of Justin Bieber. Although that last item might seem crass, only through small amounts of humor can we sometimes work our way out to the light, from something so dark."

Bascoe, who is known to be able to laugh away personal tragedies, has claimed that there are some events in world history that deserve a chance to be fully absorbed into human conscience and, while he admits that 9/11 is not on the same scale as some other historic disasters and tragedies, he believes that 9/11 is worthy of full reflection, both of what it takes to drive people to perform such horrific deeds, as well as what it takes for people to come to the rescue of strangers in impossible and likely fatal circumstances.

Marvin Bascoe's entry in the Guinness Book of World Records states that although he suffered multiple limb losses during a ski-boat accident, he emerged from the water, with bloody penis raised high above his head, and said to his friends: "Ah well, looks like the ladies of the world are safe now!"

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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#1 @ 10 years ago
by thomas hardy - Ghost

Whenever I think "I care", I alway's then wonder if I should see the optician. But would I? Puns a-plenty. Of all the amazing item's in the world, this isn't one of them.

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