World Business

Casual paradigm

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If, like most of us, you know someone who likes to casually throw words like 'paradigm' and 'proactive' into workaday conversation, you'll be pleased to know that officials have announced an official day in which we can kick their bodies until they bleed.

Casual Users of Nonsense Terms (CUNTs) Kicking Day is said to be arranged for the 23rd November and will be celebrated the world over by those who are sick to the stomach with marketing buzz-words which means absolutely naff all.

"If they feel like this, I think Marketing people need to dial-it-back somewhat and open a dialogue with the public."
- Marketing Director of Frontloading Machinists Monthly magazine

CUNTs managerial staff have highlighted some of the following words as those that will cause a deserved kicking during CUNTs Kicking day:

  • Paradigm
  • Pro-active
  • Eclectic
  • Potentialize
  • Ping (when used in context to get someone, eg. "I'll ping Rob and get him to come down")
  • Togethering (travelling with a group)

Marketing managers across the country are said to be outraged by this. Mark Chaplin, Marketing Director of Frontloading Machinists Monthly magazine said the following:

"You know, I thought I warspied this news yesterday and I'm shocked. If people really feel like this, I think the Marketing people may need to dial-it-back somewhat and open a proactive dialogue with the public. Needless to say, if this is real then whoever thought of this should be defenestrated...but it all sounds a bit like deja-moo to me." Needless to say, curious looks from us prompted closure on that last phrase. Exasperated, Mr Chaplin explained: "Deja-moo? In that I've heard it all before and it's complete bullshit."

Remember, CUNTs like this need to be told that it's just not funny. It's irratating and useless. Kick a CUNT on CUNTs day.

The funny news item you've just read is FICTITIOUS. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

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