Running found to be cause of 90% of all running injuries

Seven separate think tank studies have today released findings that show a strong link exists between running and all running related injuries. The findings have led to outrage amongst many footwear retailers, who have denounced the results as "fantasy" and "hogswash".

In October 2014 at the annual "Festival of Unknowns" conference in Washington, one keynote speaker raised a query regarding the lack of understanding of many sports injuries, including the ubiquitous shin-splint suffered by joggers across the world. This led to several announced projects into exercise-related calamities, and a perfect storm of think tank investigations have today chosen to announce their discoveries.

We will, we will shock you (WWWWSU), a Canadian think tank, sponsored by Doritos, led the announcement with a claim that over 90% of all running injuries are caused by running. Many have suggested that the announcement is "obvious" and "trite", but the think tank has moved quickly to quell the fiery response.

"It's not as obvious as you think," said Tom Baker, lead scientist at WWWWSU. "I mean, sure, it is true that running is a dangerous and even threacherous activity, but before these discoveries were made nobody else was saying anything about their root cause being the running itself."

No major health provider has so far weighed in on the issue, but it is telling that "Are you a jogger?" has now been added to the online application form for nearly all types of insurance, medical or otherwise.