Roy Hodgson's Squad Depleted by Minor Injuries

England soccer boss Roy Hodgson has today been left with only the devastated remnants of a functioning world cup squad, just hours after announcing his full 23-man selection. Hodgson, 52, was bullish in naming several uncapped players alongside a team of otherwise world-weary contenders for the Brazil throne, before the latest news wrecked English dreams of a beautiful summer of football.

Hodgson's team have been touted to do well at this summer's Brazilian tournament, sometimes called the Soccer World Series.

"It's a travesty of an injustice," claimed Scouse-Johnny, Hodgson's second in command. "Apart from the fact that there are several Manchester United players in the squad, half of the players were injured this morning in completely different and spurious minor accidents. Some of them are in A&E right now with comedy bandages on random sticky-out parts of their bodies. Eh, no jokes in the back, right?"

Scouse-Johnny, 47, listed the names of the partially injured, and they are as follows:

The 23 man squad injuries

Welbeck - stubbed toe

Rooney - splinter in eyeball

Baines - paper cut to the inner leg

Hart - thrush

Johnson - unspecified injury to the johnson