Satire story: 5 Things I Want To See At The Apple "Event"

Apple has planned an event for January 27th, and did not send me an invite. I'll have to ignore it like I do the rest of their events (that'll show them). If they want me 5 Things I Want To See At The Apple "Event"Satire about

Sagittarius horoscope

You may become a danger to yourself this week, especially if you plan to surgically implant spikes on the ends of......