Avantnews - Parody and satire stories
Super Bowl Xliii To Feature Real-time Biometric Player Data
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorBurbank, California, January 30, 2009For the first time in Super Bowl history, Sunday's Super Bowl XLIII will feature a remarkable collection of live, real-time data on
Somali Pirates Hijack International Space Station
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorHouston, Texas, June 28, 2009Somali pirates hijacked and have taken control of the International Space Station, NASA sources announced yesterday. The pirates, who approached the vessel using
Justice Roberts Admits To "Taking A Dive" During Oath of Office
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorWashington, D.C., January 21, 2009Chief Justice John G. Roberts admitted early this morning that he had "taken a dive" during the administration yesterday of the Oath
Hillary Vows To Press On In Face of North Carolina, Indiana Primary Setbacks
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorRaleigh, North Carolina, May 7, 2008Hillary Clinton told a crowd of several enthusiastic supporters tonight, "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead" after early results indicated she
John Mccain Politely Refuses Mitt Romney Endorsement
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorAlexandria, Virginia, February 14, 2008Republican presidential candidate John McCain said tonight he appreciated Mitt Romney's endorsement of his candidacy, announced just hours ago, but that it would
Actuary Diagnosed With Morbid Fear of Everything
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorSt. Louis, Missouri, December 9, 2014Gibber Quake, a high-ranking employee of the actuarial firm of Trembal, Schuder and Blanche, was diagnosed today with Morbid Fear of Everything,
Irate Driver Inadvertently Flips Off Own Grandma
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News EditorRegional Urban Locality, June 22, 2016A local man, Henry Dribbler, told reporters today he was distraught to have discovered that the driver to whom he “flipped the
House Committee Members Star Struck At Roger Clemens Hearing
By Raoul Thibodeaux, Avant News Staff WriterWashington, D.C., February 13, 2008Roger Clemens appeared today to testify before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform's full committee hearing on "The Mitchell Report:
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Having a secret agenda is all very good, but posting it on your blog/company intranet is NOT advisable. The crystal......
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