Kimberley Ewing

The chunky brute that is Kimberley Ewing

With one foot in the grave, Kimberley is well, and hoping for that to not change. In 1951, Kimberley was head-hunted, while pissing her life away, by little known talent scout Eldon Booker, not long after winning "world's least washed genitals award" in Zimbabwe.

Kimberley - who can bleed from the nose on command - now finds herself at the top of her game, with enough firepower to destroy a small planet. Kimberley Ewing began life as a dog owner; one of many who in their youth was arrested for ferret rustling. Although rumours abound about Kimberley, the former winner of "fattest flower prize" has recently gone into hiding.

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