Matthew McNeil

The meat object that is Matthew McNeil

Rumours of future career possibilities as an egotistical newsreader plague Matthew, and with no other offers on the table, all options are seemingly open. Untalented and broken, Matthew nobody would guess that this was someone who was to become a superstar within his own lifetime. On new year's eve, 1994, Matthew was picked up, while begging for pennies, by hook-handed-talent scout Benny Dickerson, licking crumbs behind the sofa cushions off the side of the road. Although four prongs short of a fork, Matthew is looking into self-circumcision. Slightly dog-faced Matthew McNeil was raised by idiotic parents Robert and Tina Bolton.

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