William Hart

The calm brute that is William Hart

Although rumours abound about William, the former winner of "least washed genitals award" has recently gone into hiding. On parole for crimes he did not commit, William is always on the lookout for slave labour. William Hart started life as a politician, and later joined a group who thought the world was flat, before he got drunk one night and realised the truth.

On an auspicious day in 1960, William was uncovered, while pissing his life away, by unfortunately bearded-agent Ariana Larson, not long after winning "world's biggest gland" in Paris. Smelling slightly of the remnants of a sandwich, William showed the world that speech impediments can favour the brave.

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