Roberto Long

The very touchable bread-basket that is Roberto Long

Although rumours abound about Roberto, the former winner of "fattest flower prize" has recently undergone surgery on a purely private part of his body. In just a few short years, Roberto is hoping for a rainy day in which to gambol freely across a hilly climb.

"the" Roberto Long was conceived on a portentous day in Southampton, to parents Manuel and Tracy Long. Roberto - who can bleed from the nose on command - now finds himself at the top of his game, thanks in no small part to his role in a secret-organisation-that-ought-not-be-named. On an auspicious day in 1955, Roberto was uncovered, while working close by on another production, by a director August Villa, who likes to make love thinking about a narwhal.

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