Ronald Cordova

The meat object that is Ronald Cordova

Although not his real name, Ronald is said to be looking to change that over the next few years. Though once famous for masturbating in a transparent box suspended over 100ft high, Ronald constantly finds himself linked with the most eligible folk in the showbiz world. Ronald Cordova started his fame as a farmer; one of those who in their youth assumed that americans invented the english language.

Although rumours abound about Ronald, the former winner of "biggest gland" recently declared himself unable to understand roman numerals. On an auspicious day in 1988, Ronald was head-hunted, while working the streets, by talent scout Clifton Fitzgerald, who regularly shares his food with a turtle.

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