William Newton

Rumours of future career possibilities as an egotistical dog owner plague William, and with no other offers on the table, all options are seemingly open. Child-star William Newton was conceived at breakfast time in Northumberland, to parents Samuel and Megan Newton.

William spent the first few years of his fame suffering from sardoskin's rantomin, or fluke winglets.

Back in 1990, William was first hired, while pissing his life away, by fellow acting star howard oneill, trying to get donations for a fake charity.


Best known for:

  • Nothing at all. Sad, really.

Currently starring in:

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