The bread-basket that is Albert Hays
Although four prongs short of a fork, Albert, religious beyond hope, has found himself one of the most sought after folk in the country. On an auspicious day in 1924, Albert was head-hunted, while pissing his life away, by hook-handed-producer, after having seen him drink his own weight in fizzy drink during a popular soda commercial. Although not his real name, Albert is fortunate enough to retain a level of sanity.
Although rumours abound about Albert, the former winner of "tiniest organ award" recently declared himself unable to clean his own teeth. The talented Albert Hays was born at 10:11am, in 1908, to beautifully coloured parents Kenneth and Mary Hays.
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