Satire story: Terminal Celebrity

I had originally intended to do an interesting and amusing piece on actual calls to suicide hotlines. However they proved to be fairly monotonous, and boiled down to 2 or 3 major themes. The most... Terminal CelebritySatire about

Capricorn horoscope

Correlating facts is an awesome responsibility. Are you sure you're up to it? Your lucky horse for today is: Sombrero's......