10 Office Rules

Image for Joke: 10 Office Rules computers & technical jokes made to make me laugh

10 Office Rules:

  • Never walk without a document People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do.
  • Use computers to look busy Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss and you will get caught your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.
  • Messy desk only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he she arrives.
  • Voice mail Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.
  • Look impatient and annoyed According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you're always busy.
  • Leave the office late Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc. and during public holidays.
  • Creative sighing for effect Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.
  • Stacking strategy It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. thick computer manuals are the best
  • Build vocabulary Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.
  • MOST IMPORTANT DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!

Given Time, by Paul London Given Time, by Paul London

Get Weekly Funny Stuff in your Inbox

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter

These jokes are all in the public domain. Please Respect Copyright Laws.

Permalink:

Given Time, by Paul London

Funny stuff

Get our funny weekly newsletters straight to your inbox
Subscribe to funny newsletter
... AND CLICK
or Find out more first

Consider checking us out and following us on social media:


Scorpio horoscope

Good fortune is raining down on everyone but yourself today. If you lose money today you can be assured that the......

Full horoscope

More from Laughsend

Tourism booming in Venezuela: A Laughsend Special Report   Punny History  
Create your own Laughsend story
Free sign up / Login
Funny newsletter Funny RSS feed