- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this."
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your junior prom had a daycare.
- You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
- You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
- You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
- Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
signs... jokes made to make me laugh
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