Computer Problems Are Never Your Own Fault

I used to work for the computer helpdesk for a police force in northwest England, and it was there that I became infected with "Typistophobia," as a result of a typist from a particular police station who suffered from a lack of any of the social graces. She would regularly ring us with real or imagined problems, all of which were, of course, the computer's fault.

My first experience with this lady was as follows: "Me machine's broke."

Me: "Ok, what wrong with it?"

Customer: "I've just tole yer IT'S BROKE!"

Me: "Ok, so what's it doing wrong?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Me: "Is there anything on the screen?"

Customer: "Yeh, garbage."

Me: "What sort of garbage?"

Customer: "I've tole yer garbage."

Me: "Can you read out the garbage to me?"

Customer: "P-L-E-A-S-E P-R-E-S-S E-N-T-E......!"

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