How To Photograph A Puppy

Remove film from box and load camera.
Choose a suitable background for photo.
Find puppy and place in front of background.
Mount camera on tripod.
Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
Place puppy in front of background again.
Focus camera to proper distance.
Find puppy and remove dirty sock from its mouth.
Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
Crawl after puppy on knees. Replace puppy in spot, move closer for control.
Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
Put cat outside and put peroxide on scratch on puppy's nose.
Put magazines back on coffee table.
Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
Clean and replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No!"
Call spouse to clean up mess.
Fix a strong drink.
Lie back on couch with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning!

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