Stoned Tech Support Customer

Funny computers & technical humor

Published: 12 years ago

This was my slowest caller ever: T

ech Support: "Thank you for calling; how may I help you?"

Customer: "Ummm...it doesn't work."

Direct and to the point, but just a touch vague. So I prodded him for more information about his problem. Tech Support: "What does not work?"

Customer: "Ummm...the program doesn't work."

Tech Support: "Could you please be more specific? Was there an error message?"

Customer: "Yes."

I waited a moment, thinking that he would continue on his own. But he didn't. Tech Support: "And the message was?"

Customer: "Something about a GPF."

Tech Support: "Are you in front of the computer now?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Can you get in front of the computer?"

Customer: "I guess; let me get out of bed."

Shuffling. Stepping down stairs. Tech Support: "Are you still there?"

Customer: "Yeah, I have to go downstairs and turn on the computer."

This guy has a with megs of RAM loading Windows. It takes about five minutes to boot up his machine. Tech Support: "Ok, are you in Windows?"

Customer: "Uhhhh...almost...."

Pause. Tech Support: "Ok, are you in Windows?"

Customer: "Uhhhh...almost...."

Pause. Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Ok, you are in Windows, can you get into the program for me please?"

Customer: "How do I do that?"

Tech Support: "Just the way you normally do."

Customer: "I don't remember. It's late, and I'm tired. Step me through it."

Tech Support: "Double click on the icon for the program please."

Customer: "Where is that?"

I slowly drop my head to the desk. Finally, I get him to start our application and wait three minutes for the software to load. I'm now fifteen minutes into this call, and I normally average three and a half. Tech Support: "Ok, can you duplicate the problem for me?"

Customer: "Uhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmm.........no."

Tech Support: "Why not?"

Customer: "I don't remember where it happened."

Tech Support: "I'm afraid I really won't able to help unless I know the error message and where it occured. You will need to recreate the message and call us back with that information."

Customer: "But I waited so long to talk to you, you people really need to be faster if you expect people to use your service. It takes too long to talk to you. You will lose customers unless you speed it up."

Tech Support: "Thanks for calling, bye-bye."