Funny joke about Things That People Say That Should Be Bumper Stickers

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My first wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
God must love stupid people. He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
It IS as BAD as you think and they ARE out to get you.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up
Procrastinate Now Rehab Is for Quitters
My Dog Can Lick Anyone
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts Do You Want Fries with That?
Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.
Arkansas: One Million People and 15 last names
FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION.
It comes bundled with the software.
MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT
A hangover is the wrath of grapes
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
DISCOURAGE INBREEDING: Ban Country Music
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead
Time's fun when you're having flies.
FOR SALE Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.
HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
HAM AND EGGS A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
The original point and click interface was a Smith Wesson.

Things That People Say That Should Be Bumper Stickers

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