- Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
- I don't repeat gossip, so listen carefully.
- Lord, if I can't be skinny, let all my friends be fat.
- My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance.
- Discover Wildlife Have Kids
- "Genuine Antique Person," Been there, done that, can't remember
- Our policy is to always blame the computer.
- Take my advice, I'm not using it
- I love to give homemade gifts... umm, which one of the kids would you like
- By the time you find greener pastures, you can't climb the fence
- I quit jogging for health reasons. My thighs rubbed together so much it caught my underwear on fire
Easy to remember word games jokes
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