- You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree
- You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter
- Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center
- Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years
- You burn your yard rather than mow it
- You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the highdive
- The Salvation Army declines your mattress
- Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one
- You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it
- You have the local taxidermist on speed dial
- You come back from the dump with more than you took
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat
- Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list
- You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys
- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem
- You've bathed with flea and tick soap
- You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog
- Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell
- You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture
- You took a fishing pole to Sea World
- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program
- You know how many bales of hay your car will hold
- You have a rag for a gas cap
- Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner
- Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does
- You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean
- You can spit without opening your mouth
- You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand
- You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota
- You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side
- The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart
- Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV
- You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler
- You've used your ironing board as a buffet table
- You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart
- Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home
- A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement
- You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher
- You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin" You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty
- You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph
- Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.
Funny american jokes
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