- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
- If you lend someone 20, and never see that person again it was probably worth it.
- Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world."
- Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger.
- A coincidence is when God performs a miracle, and decides to remain anonymous.
- Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
- "Life is like an onion you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep."
- "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself."
- "Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked."
- "Life is 10 of what happens to you, and 90 of how you respond to it."