Tabloid Claims Success in Solving High Profile Murder as Chief Suspect Commits Suicide Following Front Page Accusations! Outrage as Newspaper Applies Principles of Cheque Book Journalism to Crime Fighting!
Minor Celebrities to Risk Fires of Hell in New Reality TV Show as they Compete to Create Own Religions! Those With Least Votes Cast into Fiery Pit, Whilst Winner Ascends to Heaven!
Trading Standards Issues Stark Warning as Nation's Shopping Centres Invaded by Unofficial Father Christmases Offering Sub-Standard Gifts from their Rip-Off Grottos!
British Prime Minister David Cameron Forced to Drop Official Pornographers From Public Payroll! Plans to Use Adult Movies for Party Political Purposes Denied by Government!
New Internet Suicide Exchange Aimed at Giving Suicidal Chance to Literally Go Out With a Bang Draws Widespread Condemnation! Rival Service Promises to Arrange 'Dream Suicides' For Those Wanting to 'Go Out in Style'!
Animal Shelter Claiming it Never Puts Down a Healthy Dog Accused of Cruelty! Allegations That 'Problem' Dogs Which Cannot be Re-Homed Being Deliberately Maimed and Injured to Justify Humane Destruction! Claims That Other Animals Entered
Are Britain's Police Trying to Drum Up Business by Encouraging Crime? Incredible Allegations of Officers Selling Guns and Drugs to Off Set Budget Cuts and Falling Crime Rate! Are Innocent People Being Fitted Up to